Crossing the Border into Lao

Our minivan approached a little house in the mountains of north Thailand that had the words “Laos embassy” painted on the side. This was supposed to give us sufficient confidence to hand over our passports so that we could get Laos visas. The fee that was required depended on your nationality. $35 dollars if you’re American, a little more if your Canadian and if you’re German , Australian or English, it would be better to come back next year because it will be free then. In the meantime, give us all your money. One dollar extra because it was the weekend (seriously!)
A Laotian man who headed the tour company joked that they would sell our passports for a thousand Thai baht each. He also broke the news that the journey would take close to 20 hours instead of the 10 the tourist agencies promised. He said, “They tell you five hours one day, five the next, take your money and then laugh at you once you walk out the door.”
He also told us it was a good idea that we’re taking the slow boat if we want to return back to our countries. I got to see numerous “fast boats” passing us by with people donning their helmets. Apparently some are catapulted out and die when the boat comes up against a rock or driftwood. No kidding that we passed a dead body in the boat. A group of English girls saw the body first and motioned to the boat conductor. When he saw it he began to laugh.
We made a stop for the night at a village whose only visitors were those making the mandatory stop over on the way to Luang Prabang. We were warned ahead of time that we may encounter some scams or sketchiness. “Grab your bags and don’t let anyone help you carry them,” we were told. The village lived up to its reputation. Many tourists were accosted with offers of sex, drugs including opium and cocaine, and free Lao whisky. We shared our stories on the boat ride the next morning when we left at 9:30 AM and didn’t arrive to our destination until 6 PM, without a break.
Despite my numerous seeming-complaints, I enjoyed the ride thoroughly. It was non-stop gorgeous scenery of mountains, river and sun-sets, naked Lao children swimming and playing, wild animals on the shores. Lots of conversations with cool people on the boat, not to mention scandalous tales to report on this very blog.